“Dear Black Couch,
How do you actually do the whole ‘new year, new me’ thing without burning out by February like what are realistic ways to change your habits as a college student?”
Signed, Year Newbie
Dear New Year Newbie,
The “new year, new me” trend really starts to hit as we start 2026. So many people start this trend with big life-changing goals and want to immediately hit the ground running. There’s no doubt that the idea of changing yourself for the better is appealing, but most people are unsuccessful due to “burnout”, stress, or not really being committed to the change! Don’t worry, this is completely normal! This “burnout” is caused by chasing a goal without any actual plan to achieve this goal.
Many people think that once they make this goal, things will change automatically. This sadly is not true, real change requires commitment and lots of work! Luckily, it doesn’t have to be hard! Start with writing out your big picture endgame goal at the bottom of a piece of paper. Next, write down where you’re at in terms of reaching that goal at the top of the same paper. Finally, take a look at where you are and where you want to be and think of 6 (or 7) small changes you can make in your current lifestyle that will help you get to your goal and hang it up somewhere you’ll see it every day! (I have mine on my mini fridge!) The small changes help break down your big goal and give you a blueprint to get there. I like to spend 3 to 5 minutes each morning looking at my list and seeing how I can apply those small changes to my day.
Consistency is key! Make yourself apply these changes, and after a while, they will become habits. Your habits are what make the change and will lead you to your goal. So in all its not about the big picture goal, it’s about the small, detailed habits you create. God calls you to better yourself to work towards the calling he gave you, and making and achieving these “new year, new me” goals are great ways to do that! Philippians 3:14 says, “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” I hope this helps you build your “new” you!
“ Dear Black Couch,
How do you heal from a breakup in college when you still have to see them?”
Signed, Healing Human Dear Healing Human,
Dear Healing Human,
Healing from a breakup is something very personal. There are many different ways to heal from a breakup, and each way works differently for different people. There’s no technically correct way to heal from a breakup because everyone has their own process. I personally know how it feels to go through a breakup and still have to see that person every day. At first, it was really hard for me to heal from that breakup because I kept holding on to the idea of what we were.
I’m not sure how your breakup went, if it was mutual, if it was one-sided, if it was good or bad, but I do know the one thing I personally did that really helped me heal from mine was to date myself. Now, this may sound silly, but I promise that if you stick with it, it’ll really help your healing process. What I mean by ‘dating yourself’ is taking a moment to get to know yourself as a single person, relearning what you like, seeing what you don’t like, and considering if anything has changed. Learn to be your own person. I personally would go out to lunch by myself, or I’d go to a movie and just spend some time with myself and use that as reflection to see who I was and what I wanted.
Breakups tend to break down confidence, even if it’s just a little bit but taking the time to date yourself and get to learn who you are again really helps build up that confidence. It feels awkward at first because you are just sitting by yourself, but eventually it becomes comfortable, and you start to enjoy your time. Once you become comfortable with yourself, it doesn’t bother you that you have to see your ex as much because you’re much more comfortable and confident in yourself, and you have retrained yourself to be able to see yourself not in a relationship with your ex.
Above all use that alone time to build your connection with God because he will truly lift you up and do basically all of the healing all you have to do is reach out to the Lord he is there waiting to hold you and heal you so you have to take the steps to accept that help when you spend time with yourself use that as reflection for yourself but also use it as a time to reconnect with God and reflect on your relationship. I know it can hurt and doesn’t make sense, but that’s ok! It’s ok to cry, be upset, rant, or need space! Just know that at the end of the day, the lord does have a plan for you and your future spouse! Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” I wish you well in your healing journey and will be praying for you!
“Dear Black Couch, I didn’t get out much during the first semester but now I want to change that and make some friends. How do you make new friends in college when everyone already seems to have their group?”
Signed, A Friendly Face Dear
Dear Friendly Face,
Finding your crowd can be hard, especially when it feels like everyone has already settled into their own groups. It almost feels like you would be rocking the boat, but don’t want to bother the people aboard; however, that being said, don’t be scared to put yourself out there! Making new friends is scary, but it doesn’t have to be! One small first step you can take is to get out of your dorm. As tempting as it is to just hide away, staying in your dorm makes you unavailable to people, so try getting out to places where people hang out, like the library, the cafeteria, and the GC.
Once you get yourself out of your dorm and into public spaces, socializing becomes easier! There are tons of fun events on campus you can partake in! Once you’re at an event, just take a breath, smile, and introduce yourself to the people there! It’s scary, and kind of feels like a leap of faith, but you already have one thing in common, which is that you are both attending the same event! Next up is small talk. I know there is nothing I hate more than small talk, but it works for a reason! Keep the conversation going, and if it clicks, ask if they want to exchange contacts like social media or phone numbers!
From there, it’s downhill, just ask if they would want to hang out and try to keep a consistent conversation with them but the biggest piece of advice I can give is don’t force it. If it doesn’t flow, let it go! Forcing it will only frustrate you and them, as well as giving you a bad look. Another method of making new friends this semester is to talk to the people in your class! This is a new semester, new class, fresh start! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them.” So, with that go forth, be brave, and meet new people with an open heart and mind!
