Column: enjoy college while you still can

The following article is written in satire. 

By Jeremiah Hurd, Contributing Writer

Students  love to hear variations of “life doesn’t get any easier.”

While students may not hear this type of sentiment all the time, they appreciate it when they do.

Senior biochemistry major Jane Stressedalot said she can’t help but smile every time she hears one.

Stressedalot who is the president of the science club, a member of student government, a member of Chorale and a volunteer at her church recalled one of her favorite stories about one such instance.

“I had been doing work in one of the labs in Wood for four or five hours. It was an experiment that I had been working on for several days, and it just wasn’t going well,” Stressedalot said.

Stressedalot said she also had had a med school application due by midnight that night.

“I didn’t know where I was going to find the time to figure out what was wrong with the experiment, go to Chorale practice and finish the application,” Stressedalot said. “I was beginning to panic.”

Stressedalot said she likes to listen to music to help her focus.

“I was putting my headphones in and starting up some music so I could try to get as much done as possible when this kindly-looking, little old woman peeked her head in the door.

She said, ‘Enjoy the free time while you can, dearie.’”

At that point, Stressedalot said she leapt up and ran and hugged the woman whom she had never met for providing the sage advice.

“It was exactly what I needed to hear,” Stressedalot said.

One of Stressedalot’s friends, Adam Notenoughtime Jr. a junior music major said he had a similar experience in his sophomore year.   

“I told one of my professors that I was taking 18 hours, I consistently stayed two to three hours a day on my own to practice my saxophone outside of class or formal practices and I also was working 30 hours at Subway,” said Notenoughtime.

Notenoughtime said he told his professor that he didn’t know how he was going to find the time for homework and was kind of feeling depressed.

His professor told him “College holds some of the best times of your life. Enjoy them.”

Notenoughtime said that that information has stuck with him and been a comforting foundation as he takes 26 hours, practices five hours a day, works 40 hours and sleeps zero hours.

Another student, Elizabeth Icry said she treasures people out of college who are understanding of the problems she goes through.

Icry who is a senior art major said someone comforted her just the other night when she was having a rough time.

She said she had been worried about work, paying the bills for her apartment and paying for tuition: more and more issues kept adding up.

“I was working after class on one of my paintings in the art building when I made a mistake which ruined the painting,” Icry said. “I had only been working on it for an hour or two, but with everything else going on in my life, I broke down.”

“I began to cry,” Icry said.

She said she didn’t think anyone else was around.

“As I was crying, Professor Goodheart walked in and patted me on the back,” Icry said. “He said, ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff. Wait until you have real problems. You can always start over.’”

Icry said after Goodheart’s encouragement the tears from her eyes miraculously dried up.

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