By: Rya’Lynn Simons
“You are a christian, that means your life must be perfect.”
This is a phrase that I have heard many times since giving my life to God. Let me tell you straight up, that this is far from true. None of us can be perfect, no matter how hard we try to reach that. One thing that I have noticed the most stigmatized in my Christian life is the views on mental health.
I have had my fair share of mental disorders that have tried to completely paralyze me in my faith. I was recently diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It tries to manipulate my view of God. I can simply be walking down the street and my mind will yell at me and tell me “since you didn’t do your normal routine, you failed God and you will never be loved.” When listening to that in your head, it becomes believable. I started believing that I can never be loved by God because of my mental illness.
Even after I ended my first session of therapy, my mind told me that “you are not cured, so that means you are unfixable.” It has taken many people telling me that these thoughts aren’t true for me to fully believe that my internal narrative was wrong.
My mental health got so challenging over the summer and the first few weeks of school that I felt helpless. I was ready to give up everything that I fought so hard to gain. Then, on one random night when I was suffering the most, Dr. Brett Newsom sent me an article about living with OCD as a Christian that was written by Dr. Alan Noble. For once in my life, I felt seen.
I thought that I was too far to reach for God to save me. My mental illness caused me to believe that I am defined by my mental illness. It also caused me to believe that my life is not worth living. This article helped me know that I am not alone.
So, after reading this article, I immediately emailed Dr. Noble and I wanted to meet with him regarding my OCD and how to navigate it in my daily life. I remember him telling me that even though my thoughts tell me that God doesn’t love me, He does. That helped my view on the negativity that is present when mental illness is active in the church.
Another thing that I have to note about living with a mental illness in the church setting is how many people have told me to “pray about it.” It reminds me of something my journalism professor told me. “Telling me to pray for a mental illness is like telling me to pray for my arm that is falling off.” They would also try to tell me that I am weak in my faith if I am struggling this much. But, when it comes to your faith, you are supposed to seek the encouragement of others in the time of suffering. This doesn’t make you weak, or undesirable for God.
God chose you, and He called you by name. So, as you are reading this I want to tell you that you are not your mental illness, and you are not alone in this walk of life. Reach out to the people who you feel safest with. Find your Dr. Noble, Dr.Newsom, and your Holly. Life can get incredibly difficult, and you shouldn’t suffer alone just because your mind tells you deserve it. We serve a living God, and His truth tells us that we are loved and he sent his son Jesus down for you.
I am here for you and always feel free to reach out to me. If you feel like this is an emergency please call 911 or 988 (suicide crisis lifeline) If you are an OBU student I would strongly encourage you to reach out to the Kemp MFT clinic at (405) 585-4530
