Black Couch: Not shopping for a ring by spring

Dear Black Couch,

I just started dating this girl who seemed to get VERY serious VERY fast.

We are in week two of talking, and she is referring to me as her boyfriend, joking about “Ring by Spring” and wants me to meet her family.

I like her, but this is too much too fast.

So, do I break it off or see if she is the one?


NOT Shopping for a Ring by Spring


Dear Not,

I have a few answers for you.

1. There is a reason you feel not ready to commit just yet; surely you recognize on some level that it is just too soon to be talking about a lifetime commitment.

Yes, many people do marry quickly and it works, but these thoughts are your subconscious telling you you are not ready for this just yet.

2. You could stay with her to see “if she’s the one,” but what if that only gives her false hope? What if, by acquiescing, you are non-verbally telling this young woman “we are on the same page; I am ready for commitment”?

I think it would hurt you both more in the long run, so that brings me to:

3. Your only real two options are to stop “talking” to her or to amp up the honest communication.

Do you like her? Really? If so, why not be honest and tell her you are interested, but you want to take things slowly for a variety of reasons.

Find out WHY she’s pushing for a relationship.

Is it because her family is asking her every weekend if she has a boyfriend?

Is her circle of friends fixated on that ring by spring? Is she getting over-zealous because she is eager to head down the aisle, or because she thinks others want her to be eager?

If you have other reasons to put on the brakes, then maybe she isn’t the one for you.

Maybe it is okay to just take some time to regroup and then see of you two connect later.

Don’t lead her on, but don’t allow yourself to be lead into a relationship you aren’t completely sold on.

I guarantee you, it will hurt her more the longer you wait to be honest.

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